On placement 2

I knew this week wouldn’t be easy. Placement 2, week 1. I guess I underestimated how hard I’d find it.

Firstly, just to be clear, this is not because of the school. I’ve been really lucky in my PGCE and have had two good/outstanding schools that have an amazing record in really quite tricky areas. No, my new school is different, but I don’t think it’s bad. But it’s different. And that, for me, is bad. Following?

What I hadn’t realised is how much my expectations and understanding of teaching had been formed by the wonderful professionals I’d been working with. That first placement sets your standards for, well, everything. Literally. From the size of the staffroom to the banter between colleagues to the size of the teaching rooms, and my new school is different in these and every other way. Obviously, these differences are small, but others are enormous. Teaching focuses (AFL v literacy), how pupils with ESL are taught, teaching resources, exam preparation… Everything is different right now. Everything.

So, I’ve been spending the week trying to readjust and make sense the mechanics of my new school – why is it like it is? And that’s why I haven’t blogged before now, either. I didn’t want to make any snap judgements without trying to understand things first. And I’m getting there, I think. Not quite on everything, there are still some things confusing/annoying/upsetting me, but a lot of things are starting to make sense, even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. As a result, I’ve been swinging all week between feeling up and down (as you may have noticed, if you follow me on twitter. Sorry about that.). I’d forgotten how emotional and unbalanced the PGCE makes me… “I don’t know if I should be doing this…” “I want to quit…” “I love this!” etc etc. Blimey.

Things improved today, when I taught for the first time. My new pupils seemed to enjoy my lesson and I think learned something. Plus, being back at the front of the room after 4 weeks off wasn’t half as hard as I thought it would be. *Relief* And being busy and active helps me; it means I’m more likely to focus on the right things: me, and my development as a teacher. But I’m still struggling to shake off some of the black clouds hanging around me right now and, if 100% honest, I don’t know how much I’m going to get out of this placement. (There. I said it. I didn’t want to. But it’s true. And no. I’m not going to say more. Not yet, anyway.)

Still, think positive. Just one week in the school has, I think, helped me become a lot clearer about the kind of place I hope to be working on some months from now. That can only be a good thing, right? So thank you. To all those who stated the obvious when I most needed to hear it and sent me messages and emails telling me: It’s experience. It’s not for forever. You’re right : )

ps. This blog post is all over the place and completely incoherent. Sorry. I wanted to just blog but there are also things that I don’t 100% feel I can write about openly, which doesn’t help the writing process. But there. It’s done now. Hopefully posts will improve from here on in!

And so it begins. Again.

Half term – done! Where did it go?? Well, most of it was spent struggling with an essay I hated more than I’ve ever hated an essay ever (tell me, just what, exactly, is the place of English?), but I did also get to see some of my favourite people a bit too. In fact I’d say the 2 weeks I’ve just spent at uni and the one week of half term was just long enough for me to think: ha, non-teaching life is pretty good, isn’t it? You get to go out and see people and go to the cinema and have a life. I miss all that…

But, just in time to stop those thoughts lingering, school experience 2 is coming along. School experience 2, in which I will learn how to teach boys and the value of being a 45 minute bike ride from home, as opposed to an hour and 15 minutes. Where I will find out what it’s really like to teach 5 days a week, hopefully spending some time with A-level pupils. Where I will master the art of questioning (ha!) and differentiation (hope so). Where I will put in to practise all of the things I have been thinking about, reading about and dwelling on in the last 3 weeks.

I’m nervous and excited. I’m remembering how rubbish I was after the Christmas break and I don’t want to go back there again… But I’m excited to be teaching again – it’s been ages and I do love it. And I’m looking forward to being in a new school, with new people and new kids, and learning a whole heap of new stuff from them.

Now. Time to google: how to learn names. Fast…

Three cheers for Mr Me

We don’t *do* Valentine’s Day in our house. But it’s still a pretty hard day to miss. Hearts everywhere! Sheesh. Anyway. I was just reading this article on the Guardian, In praise of praising the one you love, and I thought, yes! Today is the day I will finally write that blog post. So here goes.

You see, in all of the preparation for my PGCE, in all of the lists I made of things that I absolutely needed to get me through the year, when I was doing all that shopping and book buying, I didn’t realise I had the one thing I needed to get me through it all. That he was sat on the sofa next to me, and had been for 10 years. For the purpose of this post, I’ll call him Mr Me. He has a proper name, of course, and a nickname, but for this Mr Me will do.

Reasons why Mr Me is AWESOME!

When I first said I was thinking of doing the PGCE he didn’t say anything other than: if that’s what you want to do, I’ll totally support you in it. At times this was frustrating because I wanted someone to make the decision for me, but he was right to say it. It had to come from me. And he was brilliant for saying he’d support me. In doing the PGCE I’ve halved our household income, taken a chunk of savings, stopped us going on holidays for a year and made most features of normal life near on impossible, and he knew all that, and he didn’t mind.

Since then he’s gone from awesome to even more awesome. I really don’t know if I would have gotten to here, halfway through, without him. Every night, he’s here. I abandon him to go up and work in our study until midnight, but if I need him, I wander downstairs and he’s here. When I crawl into bed quietly, trying not to wake him, he stretches out and gives me a hug. When I’m stood in the living room, crying and wondering if I’ve done the right thing, he knows exactly what to say. When I’m excited and high after a really great day, he listens with enthusiasm and tells me he’s happy because I’m happy.

And then there’s all the really boring stuff that he does and never once complains about. He cooks, he cleans, he washes, he irons, he tidies, he sorts out broken cars and washing machines, he takes out the bins. Often without me even noticing. But I do know I always have clean and ironed clothes. And I do appreciate it when I get home and dinner is pretty much prepared. It’s so boring for him and it’s so much more work, but he never complains or even tells me he’s doing stuff. I pretty much owe him for a life time.

And last, because you probably hate me and him right now, he’s totally gone along with my complete absorption into the teaching world. He never tells me I’m boring. He never asks me to talk about something else. He listen to me rant about Gove. He proof reads my essays. He discusses with me the ins and outs of difficult stuff and he cares as much as I do. And when I need to come out of it all and escape, he’s there. Suggesting we go for ice cream or a walk; prodding me to keep me awake in the cinema.

Mr Me: You’re AWESOME. I wouldn’t have got this far without you.

For all these reasons and about 1,000,000,000,000,000 more.

Happy 14 February. Happy every day.

The magic pen game

Now the process of job hunting has started to kick off, I’ve realised the next few months could be pretty overwhelming. Job hunting in the commercial world was always so straight forward: find a job you like in a company you know pretty well, apply for the job, have a 30 minute interview, be offered the job, work in the job for a few months unless you don’t like it, in which case, leave! Job hunting in education seems a little tricksier. Find a job that’s reasonably close by; attempt to judge the school by its website (often dodgy), its Oftsed reports (hmmmm) and its exam results (eek); apply for the job through an application form that really wasn’t meant for student teachers and is therefore left full of white space; await an interview; repeat this experience x 10 until one comes through; interview; teach a lesson; interview again; and then wait (and make your mind up fast if you’re offered the job!). I can understand why the process is so different – the competition is fierce and, when you get a job, it really has to be the right fit – but gosh! How strange!

Anyway, to get through the stress, I thought I’d take a leaf out of Ian Gilbert’s book, Essential Motivation for the Classroom, and do me some target setting. Because, well, I’m a geek. And because Ian says goal setting is important. And because basically I believe everything he says. One of the tricks Ian suggests for getting pupils to set themselves goals is the Magic Pen:

You have a magic pen. Whatever you write comes true. The magic only lasts for 3 minutes. Quickly write down your plans for the next year (he suggests 5 years). 

Here’s my 3 minute attempt.

I have a job in a school I love, and which isn’t too far away. It is a school where I am learning to teach rather than manage behaviour and where the pupils are interested in learning. I am teaching a whole range of different classes, from KS3 – 5, and I am really enjoying it. I have classes that I think of as mine, and I’ve been able to set in place all of the things I’ve heard of but not been able to try yet. I have my own classroom with an IWB that works! Which is fun. I’m teaching really interesting things and I’m more and more confident in my abilities. My pupils are really enjoying my lessons and are doing well. I’ve improved my AFL and formative assessment skills in particular and this has helped my pupils a lot. I’m still in touch with my fellow PGCE students and we’re still supporting each other, and I’ve made some new friends at my new school too. I’m still working all hours, but I’m still making time for important people and things are ok. I have a holiday planned too ; )

There! Look! My wishes, committed to cyberspace! (Ian’s right, by the way, writing in this way rather than in a list really does free you up to be more honest.) It’s nice to know what I’m doing all this for. Onwards!

ps. English teachers, have you stumbled across Michael Rosen’s blog yet? Have a look, it’s really very brilliant.

pps. Did I make it clear I was recommending Essential Motivation in the Classroom? Maybe not. Consider it recommended.

ppps. I know I won’t achieve all of those wishes. But shhhhhh. The pen was magic! Didn’t you hear?

Back in the real world

It’s been a whole week since my last placement ended. A whole week! And, much like a woman who has just given birth, I seem to have forgotten the pain of 5.45am starts and 12.30am finishes remarkably quickly. Just a few days of sleep and socialisation and I’m walking around with a grin on my face, telling everyone how much I’m enjoying teaching. Strange times.

I’d forgotten what life was like before school. I’d forgotten how great it feels when you’re getting 8 hours sleep a night, and how lovely it is to see real full-sized adults outside work. This week I’ve met friends 3 whole times! That’s more than in the last 3 months put together and gosh it’s been lovely. I hadn’t had time to notice, but I missed being with friends, people who I share a history with and who care, even when all I can talk about is Michael Gove… Most brilliantly of all, though, I’ve remembered what my husband looks like. Happily, he still looks good. This is a relief.

It’s funny though. Despite all of this brilliant stuff, my brain still hasn’t switched off. University is keeping me busy with readings and essays and case studies. I keep reliving lessons and moments and cringing over things I wish I’d done better, or differently at least. I’m enjoying reading things about setting and AFL. And I wonder, maybe this is it now. This is life now. You’d think this would bother me. But, actually, scarily, it doesn’t. And this, more than anything, is a huge relief.

It’s 2 weeks till I start my new placement school. I hope my optimism is still in tact after that…